Top 5 Reasons Why I’m Grateful for this Season

Top 5 Reasons Why I’m Grateful for this Season

January, February, March…2012.. Time really flies so fast. This season has surely been a blast! I’ve never been this grateful! God has been so good! I can’t thank Him enough for allowing me to experience such new season…new things…new opportunities…new challenges..new endeavor.. and new relationships. And what’s more, it’s just the beginning of the year!

5. Our Student Leaders

I’ve been part of LifeBox since 2009. And for about three years now, I’m blessed to see young people grow in leadership, in character, and esp. in their faith and relationship with God. I’m blessed to witness not just how they have overcome their struggles and problems, but also how they’ve stood the test of character and faith.

Thank you Laurize, J-Ann, Julianne, Chelsea, Dyne, Ivan, Arby, Aik, Gabz, Nadia, Minstrel, Zsariz, Kim, Abet, Josh Supan, Von, Duane, Adit, Joanna, Mona, Airesh, Angel S., Agnes, Manfred, Glenn, Daphne, Zakk, Tatoy, Chris, Raymund, Kyle, Tin, Rachel, Roi, Ness, Charize, Arianne, Carmel, etc. for stepping out in faith and embracing the call of leadership. Thank you for your undying faithfulness in the ministry. You guys are amazing! You are the next world changers!

4.  LifeBox

LifeBox exists to prepare students for L.I.F.E. It partners with schools and parents to help students excel in their academics, develop leadership skills, be a positive influence in their community, and pursue a God-centered lifestyle.

And God has blessed us with so many open doors! Strategic and influential Schools and Universities such as Philippine Science High School Southern Mindanao Campus, San Pedro College, ACLC, Christian Colleges of SouthEast Asia, Ateneo de Davao University and University of Mindanao have partnered with us in the vision of raising up the next generation of leaders.

Since 2010, we were able to conduct 30 events which includes leadership training, team building workshops and seminars, and retreats with a total of 2,211 student participants.

It has always been a joy to impart “life” to these students!

And thank you to all our ministry partners! These things won’t be possible without your prayers and support!

3. Re-Versed band

I’ve been volunteering in the Music Ministry of Victory Davao since 2001. Since then, music has become part of my passion. I have grown to love worshiping God through playing the bass. And through the years, the dream to share that gift outside the walls of church has been birthing. Come December 10 of 2010, a rare opportunity was given to us (the Music Team) to share that through a gig and thus Re-Versed was eventually formed. What I like the most about this experience is not just the reality of our relationship with one another, but also the opportunity to touch people through our presence and share some positive music in the industry. I’m so grateful to have been given a regular gig in one of the famous places in the city. What a way to be the salt and light in the community!

Thanks Josh Supan, Monica, Jason, Von, Adit, Kuya Tom and Capt Kenny for being my band mates!! You guys are the best!! Lingaw kaayo!

Here’s the published Q&A about Re-Versed. Read more…

2. Spiritual Family (friends)

If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! (Ecc 4:10).

I will never grow and mature as a person and in my faith in God apart from the spiritual family God has given me. I’ll be forever grateful to the people who believed in me, who stood by me in good times and bad, who made my day so colorful and bright, who inspired me to be the best that I can be, who spoke life to me..

Thank you Ate Mye Nunag, Babes Bato, Maya Reynoso, Michelle Astudillo-Compton, Chryso, Zi F., Glenda, Vee, Ate Joyce Q., Julie K., Tita Vicky, Ate Recs, Tita Bing G., Pastor Alvin, Pastor CJ, Jeremy, Tyrone, Peds, Jaydee, Auggie, Kuya Tom for all the prayers, mentoring, encouragement and impartation!

To my true friends Marlou, Von, Adit, Niel, Arianne Chu-Caringal, Ana, Ems, Liezel, Nikki, Jade, and other singles.. Thanks for all the fun and for sharing your lives..

And to my best and close friends Jade Ann V., Reinalyn, Monica and Weng.. Thank you for making me laugh again! And for inspiring me to be the best that I can be and to live my life to the fullest!

It’s more fun to be in this spiritual family! Grateful! Grateful! Grateful!

1. Family

I’m so proud to be part of the Arellano family! I super love our family! Sunday lunch and dinner times with our family have been one of the highlights of my week! I’m surely blessed with such talented, skillful, loving, and passionate people who have a big heart for the community and for this nation!

I love you all! Especially to my Mom and Dad! Thank you for being our parents! You folks are the best!!

“For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.” Psalm 100:5

“How do we like to be treated?”

“How do we like to be treated?” read on..

The Right Thing 101 By John C Maxwell

A few years ago, I published a book called Ethics 101. In it, I proposed that ethics was not a changeable thing, based on your situation or personality or industry. Instead, I explained that I believe that ALL ethics boils down to one thing: The Golden Rule.

Essentially, asking the question, “How would I like to be treated?” is an integrity guideline for ANY situation.

Think about it: How DO we like to be treated?

1. We want to be valued.

Did you know that in the American marketplace today, 70% of those who leave their jobs do so because they do not feel valued? Don’t you want others to accept you for who you are and show you through their actions that you matter?

Valuing others, not for what they can do but simply because they are human beings, is the foundation of ethics.

2. We want to be appreciated.

Closely related to the need to be valued and loved is the desire to be appreciated for what we can do. Don’t you want to excel and achieve? Knowing that what you do matters builds your self-confidence and self-worth.

How do we express appreciation? Begin by thanking people at every opportunity. Give credit to others. And make a point of praising people in the presence of those close to them, like family members. Broadway producer Billy Rose shrewdly observed, “It’s hard for a fellow to keep a chip on his shoulder if you allow him to take a bow.”

3. We want to be trusted.

George MacDonald said, “To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.” Think about it: Good marriages, business relationships, and friendships all require trust. Without it, you don’t have open and honest communication, and the relationship can be only temporary.

It takes a leap of faith to put your trust in another person, especially someone you don’t know well. But as Henry L. Stinson said, “The only way you can make a man trustworthy is by trusting him; and the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to distrust him and show your distrust.”

4. We want to be respected.

When others trust me, I receive responsibility and authority. When others respect me, it touches something deeper within me. It gives me dignity and builds my confidence. As Arnold Glasow said, “The respect of those you respect is worth more than the applause of the multitude.”

The respect of a leader gives people the freedom to perform at their best and the incentive to work with excellence. I can’t think of a more positive working environment.

5. We want to be understood.

Charles Kettering said, “There is a great difference between knowing and understanding. You can know a lot about something and not really understand it.” Likewise, we can know a lot about a person and still not really understand them or why they do what they do.

But the desire to be understood is so strong that many disagreements can be resolved simply when one party (or both) gets the sense that they’ve been understood.

Understanding others means extending yourself and meeting them where they are. You must put the burden of connecting on yourself, not on them.

6. We don’t want others to take advantage of us.

We can cut through almost all of the ethical and moral dilemmas of life by observing this principle with others. If anyone could interpret what I do as taking advantage of them, then my actions are probably a bad idea.

What do you think of the needs listed above? Did I miss anything? And just for the sake of discussion, let me pose a question you can answer in the comments:

Describe a situation in your past in which a person in authority expressed value, appreciation, and respect for you. Why does that instance stand out to you? How did you respond?

Find more on ethics for all areas of life in Ethics 101.

—————–

John C. Maxwell is an internationally respected leadership expert, speaker, and author who has sold more than 19 million books. Dr. Maxwell is the founder of EQUIP, a non-profit organization that has trained more than 5 million leaders in 126 countries worldwide. Each year he speaks to the leaders of diverse organizations, such as Fortune 500 companies, foreign governments, the National Football League, the United States Military Academy at West Point, and the United Nations. A New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and Business Week best-selling author, Maxwell has written three books that have sold more than a million copies: The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, Developing the Leader Within You, and The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader.

Parenting: Train a child in the way he should go..

CUSTOMIZED PARENTING by Steven Furtick

I was recently meeting with a pastor and he shared an idea about parenting from the verse that’s been read at probably every baby dedication or parenting series you’ve ever been to:

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Proverbs 22:6

He told me that in the Hebrew, it literally translates “Train a child according to his way.” I checked it out and it’s legit.

The implication is that this verse isn’t simply about giving our children good structuring or sound instruction. Or negatively, about training them up to go in the way we desire. It’s also about customizing our approach to our children based on their unique DNA and gift set.

Many people are familiar with strengths-based leadership and the fact that the most effective leaders are those that focus and invest in their people’s strengths. But fewer people realize that this applies to our first and primary sphere of leadership: our families. And specifically, our children.

Instead what often happens is that we think a one-size fits all approach will work for every child everywhere, including ours. Or that the goal of parenting is to produce a well-rounded individual, so we focus on making their weaknesses mediocre rather than their strengths phenomenal. Or worse, we want our children to have our strengths, or ones we wish we had.

The problem is that your child is unique on purpose. They have their own God-given strengths and aptitudes. And it’s these that you need to call out and encourage.

I’ve said it before, but it’s worth repeating: Mediocrity is mass-produced. Destiny and excellence are custom designed.

The catch is that’s not only true with you. It’s also true with your children.
You are a peculiar person. There will never be another you.
But your child is also a peculiar person. There will never be another of them either.

God doesn’t intend for your child to be like everybody else. He already had everybody else when He made them. There’s something unique in your child. Something special. Significant. God has a calling on their life. There are exceptional abilities that only they have.

Your role as a parent is to identify and maximize them. Not change them or flatten them out. Or accommodate them to yours.

Train up your children in their strengths and they will discover the purpose for which they were created. And when they grow up, they will not depart from it.

———-

Steven Furtick is the Senior Pastor of Elevation Church.

Do we need to set standards?

Do we need to set standards? Definitely, why? Read on..

(note: it’s interesting to learn some insights from a man’s point of view. )

How to Set Standards by Sean Patrick Si

We all have standards in life. You and me. Some of your standards could be that you don’t want to live at your parent’s house forever, some could be that you want to take a bath twice a day, etc. There are lots of different kinds of standards that we have set – conciously and/or unconsciously.

Where do we get our standards?

Our standards don’t just pop into our heads like an idea. It is made and formed out of lifestyle. Simply put, we get our standards from wants and don’t wants.

We see the lives of other people. We see the lives of our parents, our siblings, our friends. We see the lifestyles of each and every person we meet and know – and from there we then come to a realization of what we want out life to be. You can say that we compare and measure the lives we want with the lives we’re seeing and experiencing now.

There are different kinds of standards:

Some standards you can let go of

These are the standards that you’ve set before you thought about it thoroughly. These are the standards that need changing and that can be improved. These are the standards that you can improve on or that you can leave behind in order to adopt a new one.

For example: You were brought up to always head straight to breakfast. Someone told you to first wash your hands before doing so – you change your standard and now you decide to wash your hands before every meal.

Some standards you keep

These are the standards that are instilled in you. You’ve created and protected these standards with reasoning, belief and decision.

For example: You always pray and read God’s Word after you wake up and before you sleep.

Some standards you have to die for

These are the standards that you believe in with all your heart. These are the standards that you will never let go of no matter what the reason.

For example: Your standard of refusing to deny Christ as your Lord and Savior.

What are the standards today?

I believe that we lack standards in our time today. The world teaches you that standards are a barrier for growth and understanding. The world tells you that having no standard is okay – that way you’re flexible and are true to yourself.

These are all lies.

If you do not have a standard, you’re not becoming more flexible. You’re becoming weak. Without your own standards, the world will set it for you. And the world’s standards will sooner or later destroy your life.

I see a lot of men today without standards – even ‘Christian’ men. Most of them have standards so low that they sit on it and are humming their lives away comfortably. They don’t want to marry because it’s a hassle. They don’t want to work because they can live off with what their parents have anyway. They play computer games all day because they’re good at it. They want sex but they don’t want the committment of marriage. And they think they’re ‘real men’.

Ladies, don’t set your standards low as to settle for men like these. Set your standards high too because real Christian men still exist in this world. You are worth the wait and God will be the one to put him through your way.

Where do you find the right standards?

Where do we look for standards? Do we search for it in friends? Maybe. Do we look for it from billboards? From books perhaps?

The first place to look for your standards is from the creator and designer of your life. He’s laid it all out in His Word. The standards we have to live in come from the Bible. Who would better know the rules and standards that are best for us than the one who created us?

Set your standards

Real men set their standards high – so high that they need to push themselves to jump in order to reach it.

——-

Sean Patrick Si – A Blogger and editor-in-chief of God and You and SEO Hacker. He is dedicated to sharing his faith and wisdom and God to the online community.

Waiting in vain? Why wait?

Waiting is Never in Vain (Part 1) by Jing Ovilla Navarro

There’s a song that keeps resounding in my head when I think about waiting. The lyrics from the famous song of Bob Marley entitled “Waiting In Vain” goes, “I don’t wanna wait in vain for your love.” This is where I derived the title on the topic of waiting for your future partner. All of us will go through a season of waiting to experience love or reciprocate love. I know that we have the power to wait when we know that what we are waiting for is for our own benefit and the benefit of our future generation.

I found out that there are two definitions of the word “wait” that are quite interesting. First, it is to remain and stay without doing anything. This definition is what a lot of us embrace. It’s like being in a plateau, in a catatonic state. Nothing is happening. It’s like your life is put on hold. No drive to do something about your situation. But guess what? This other definition sheds a silver lining. Second, it is about expecting for something to happen.Your waiting takes a detour about your future love life. Someone told me that waiting is not a wasted time. So here are some pointers that you can take from me.

1. Waiting is a preparation.

It is not a question on whether there’s a right person for you but rather, “Am I the right person for him or her?” When you think this way, you have now a better inclination to prepare yourself. You can now examine your self. What are the qualities that people like about me? What are the physical attributes that are worth “paying” attention to or enhancing? Remember that guys always have the first tendency to look rather than know. While girls are more drawn to know rather than look. Right? The best recipient of your love now is your family and friends. What better way to put your love into practice is showing care and concern to your parents and siblings. The way you do it now is the way you will do it in the future. How they respond to you might give you a glimpse on how your partner will react to your affection.

Don’t just give in to peer pressure. Your biological clock is ticking that’s why you jump into someone who shows the first sign of interest without really scrutinizing if he or she’s the one. You can’t hurry love but you just have to wait.

2. Waiting is about patience.

I am pretty sure that you have encountered some good love stories. You wish yours can be that romantic too. So try to really wait. When your love story comes, you can exclaim, ” It was as if I never waited at all’. God will reward you. Waiting is not a science but it is an art. There is no defined attributes to it. It is not time bound. It is how you feel about it. Now that you’re waiting try to make the most out of it. Sometimes we feel like we need to feel pain or suffer for a little bit but embrace it and don’t complain because God has His reasons for letting you wait. It takes discipline not to give in. It takes a lot of willpower to go on living with an excitement that a love affair can actually take place.

The challenge is, “Are you capable of waiting?” So while waiting, make yourself preoccupied. Gain friends especially with the opposite sex. The more you have male or female friends, more opportunity to take notes on what each other want. Get to know their opinion on women and men. What turn them on or what makes them tick. At least you get to sort out your top three list in a girl or a guy. Try to find out the beauty tips of your friends. Listen to their opinion about yourself if you’re not a sore to their eyes but pleasing or nice enough to accept you. Ask for their honest opinion. Be ready to accept what they say and try to improve on their comments. Do something about it. Maybe a change of hairstyle will do the trick. A whole new wardrobe can make heads turn or adding some color to your face can light it up. Take heed to what your family and friends tell you.

Just try to be yourself but with the new and improved version. Some are wishing if they have a voluptuous body or enough muscles, people will like them. But I beg to disagree. I know for a fact that yes, it’s nice to have a pretty or handsome face. But we must realize, they are just a minimal percentage. Most of us just have to be secured with what we have. Deal with what you have and have a positive outlook that only you carry such a face (except of course if you’re twins.) and take note that there’s someone who will take notice of you because they like what they see in you whether outwardly or inwardly. Be secured that you can be appealing. I always believe that there’s only one Adam or one Eve just for you. Just wait for your very own future partner because he or she might be around your circle of friends or you may bump on him or her anytime.

Keep on waiting for true love knows how to wait patiently.

Are you whole?

Are you whole?

I’ve been reading the book, Climbing the Ladder in Stilettos by Lynette Lewis.  She discussed something that made me ponder and reassess myself – about personal wholeness. And it made me think, ‘Whoa! Am I whole?’

Being whole is defined as:

• complete, including all parts or aspects, with nothing left out;
• not damaged or broken;
• not wounded, impaired, or incapacitated;
• healed or restored to health physically or psychologically

“When we are whole, we are complete, secure and resilient in almost any circumstances.”

So are you whole or still a wounded being? She discussed some contrast…

Wounded people display the following common signs:

• are easily offended and carry offenses for a long time
• are critical and talk negatively about themselves and others;
• have an insatiable need to be regularly affirmed and built up;
• refer often to themselves and their achievements, to the point of being embarrassing at times
• react in illogical ways that produce anxiety in others;
• are easily angered;
• form social cliques and gossip about others;
• are overly consumed with taking care of everyone else, shutting down their own pain and focusing only on others; and
• use various addictions (cigarette, alcohol, spending money) as a salve.

In contrast, people who are whole display the following signs:

• find it easy to affirm others and celebrate their successes;
• are not easily offended but offer grace when offenses do happen;
• bring comfort and encouragement to those around them;
• are goal-oriented, but their care for people always wins out over the bottom line;
• seek first to understand and then to be understood
• are trusting, believing the best in others; and
• are modest and honest about theirs strengths and shortcomings

It’s easy to just go with the motions of life, and neglect some important aspects of it. One of which, is our relationships around – friends, colleagues, family, parents, siblings, etc. However, if we want to continue in the journey of finding what we are created to do, we need to look closely and see how we are doing in this area. And she nailed one aspect that I believe we need to consider if we want to enjoy growing, healthy, and lasting relationships around us – that is, personal wholeness.

Some things I’ve learned:

- The process of getting honest with our own pain and hurts, acknowledging the wrongs done to us, and admitting our own mistakes begins to forge a path to personal wholeness.

- When we choose not to be easily offended, when we take the time to understand or give others the benefit of the doubt, it opens up all kinds of doors and builds respect and trust.

- “Everyone thinks of changing the world but no one thinks of changing himself.”

- As healed and emotionally healthy individuals, we can be resilient – even encouraging – when encountering those who are broken.

- Whether we suffer from intimacy issues or another type of brokenness, dealing with the root causes is our first step to personal wholeness.

If that’s the case, how do we become personally whole?

Steps to personal wholeness:

1. Start with yourself

- Take an honest look at your life and relationships.

- Admit your brokenness and take steps to deal with it. Rather than adjust your entire life around the broken leg, go in for “surgery”

- ‘There is no denying that the journey to personal wholeness is a risk – but, oh, is the potential reward worth it.’

- Once a broken leg is healed, not only can you walk normally again, but you can run, leap, skip and climb. Most important, you can lead others down a similar path.

2. Become an agent of wholeness

- As a whole person, you will have new levels of compassion and understanding.

- You will see others through a lens that reveals deeper, nonthreatening reasons people do the things they do. You will see beyond their behaviors and develop the capacity to show mercy instead of judgment.

3. Speak only positive things about others

- ‘Treat other the way you would want them to treat you.’

- Mastering to hold your tongue may take some time, but the rewards have been wonderful.

4. See your workplace as a practice field for greatness.

- ‘It may feel awkward or seem impossible to break out of these patterns and bring change. But if you do, you will feel new energy and life coming into your work.’

- Whole people in the workplace are so rare that if you become one, you will be amazed at how many opportunities open up for you as people recognize that you bring people together instead of tearing them down or apart.

Like the author, I now desire and aim to become someone who is patient and understanding, who is utterly trustworthy, and who cares much more about people than about processes or results. Someone who believes in potential and possibilities, who cheers others on to become all they are meant to be.

How about you? Will you take the challenge?

“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” Romans 14:19

Lessons on Relationship (Part 3)

Lessons on Relationship (Part 3)

6. The Art of Loving Confrontation

Jesus took time to lovingly confront people when they needed it – his disciples, the religious leaders, and the crowd.

We all have blind spots – things about us that we don’t see. We need others to show us these areas and help us to grow and change. The apostle Paul tells us to learn to ‘speak the truth in love’ to one another (Eph.4:15). We all need truth-tellers. The truth can set us free. Some people speak the truth but not in a loving manner while others are so loving that they never speak the truth.

We all need to be lovingly assertive, when appropriate. Avoid being overly assertive which leads to aggression. Avoid being under-assertive, allowing people to walk all over you.

Confrontation is not easy. In fact, it can be very difficult. We all fear being disliked. We may be afraid of making things worse. However, usually it is the attitude in which you confront that makes things worse, not the confrontation itself. We may fear rejection. We may find it difficult to share our feelings. We may think that confrontation will destroy love and trust. Actually, if done correctly, confrontation can build more love and trust into the relationship.

We can confront without hurting. We must not hang on to our anger and hurt. We need to take responsibility for our feelings. Share your feelings and thoughts honestly and openly. Always seek to maintain the relationship. Have the courage and the consideration to confront lovingly.

Assertiveness and confrontation always need to be done with the right spirit. We should not be either overeager or too hesitant to confront. We should confront, not because it makes us feel good, but because we are committed to the quality of our relationships. Confronting with the right spirit comes out of having the right goal in your confrontation.

Is there someone you need to have an open and honest conversation with? Don’t leave it any longer. Ask God for wisdom to speak the truth in love … as soon as you can. I think you’ll be glad you did.

7. The Art of Encouragement

Jesus was a great encourager. He was always lifting people up and inspiring them towards God’s purpose for their lives. We see this in the Gospels but also in the book of Acts where Jesus appears to Paul in a dream or vision a number of times to encourage him during times of pressure and difficulty.

Most of your best friends are those who encourage you. You don’t have many strong relationships with those who pull you down. You avoid these people and seek out those who believe in you and lift you up.

Everyone needs and responds to encouragement. People do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism. Encouragement brings out the best in people. The way to truly motivate and develop people is through encouragement and through believing in them. People tend to become what the most important people in their lives think they will become.

Encouragement helps us rise above difficult situations. Words of encouragement have great power. Trouble and trial don’t destroy people, only the lack of care and encouragement during those times. When it is there, it gives us the energy to go through.

Here is what the author of the book of Hebrews says …

Heb.10:24-25. Make opportunities to encourage others by meeting together, consider ways in which you can encourage and continue doing it.

Who can you encourage today?

Lessons on Relationships (Part 2)

Lessons on Relationships (Part 2)

4. The Art of Authenticity

Jesus was a very transparent person. He let his friends see him as he really was – in moments of joy, sadness, anger, and fatigue. His followers never had to guess whether he was delighted or disappointed. He modeled deep disclosure to a few trusted friends. Read this slowly …

Matthew 26:36-38. Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” NIV

The apostle Paul also modeled a life of transparency and authenticity. He was real and was willing to take off any masks to let people see who he really was and how he was going (see 2 Cor.6:11).

Who knows your needs? Who do you ask to pray for you? Who do you let see your brokenness -your weaknesses and struggles?

Share your life with others. Don’t hide. Never pretend to be more than you really are.

This is not easy as our culture is into “image projection” and “impression management”. We have a strong tendency to hide and to want to look better than we really are. However, when we hide, our relationships become stagnant and we lose the help and support that may be available to us. There is no healing in hiding, only in authenticity (see James 5:16).

A while ago, I had lunch with influential church leader. He asked me how I was doing. I hesitated at first … then decided to answer honestly rather than the typical “Great!” or “Awesome!” The depth of our conversation immediately changed. He thanked me for my openness. Sadly, he admitted to going through the same type of emotional low that I had been going through but he never had the courage to tell anyone.

Think about it: the level of intimacy or closeness in any relationship or group is directly related to the level of openness in that relationship or group.

Be open, honest and real. Share how you are really doing. Yes, we need wisdom and discernment in this area and trust is essential. We all need ‘safe people’ in our world who really know us – warts and all. Of course, not everyone knows how to respond to our openness (the disciples fell asleep after Jesus opened his heart to them and asked for prayer support!). It can feel a little awkward at first. However, make a choice to allow others to minister to you. Learn to receive.

5. The Art of Forgiveness

Jesus made a choice to forgive those who nailed him to that cross – even though they never asked for it. That’s amazing, yet forgiveness is such an important keep in connecting with other people.

Many of the people we connect with will be different than us. Yet, often these kinds of relationships provide the opportunity for us to grow and develop the most. They draw us out of our comfort zones and stretch our loving capacity.

There is no greater challenge in building community than to master the art of handling anger and conflict. We all know what it is to have other people annoy and irritate us, as well as hurt us deeply.

Jesus gives us some practical steps for resolving conflict (see Matthew 18:15f). This is one of the most well-known teachings of Jesus but probably the most disobeyed. He tells us to go the person who has offended us and do our best to sort it out with them alone. If it doesn’t work out, then we should involve someone else who can help. Jesus wants us to be serious about forgiveness.

When you’ve offended someone, be quick to apologize and ask for forgiveness. That’s a mark of maturity.

Of course, forgiveness is not the same things as reconciliation, which may or may not happen, depending on the situation.

Forgiveness is giving up the right to hurt back or get even. Eventually, you can even find yourself wishing the other person well.

Lessons on Relationship (Part 1)

I personally believe that our purpose in life  is found in the context of relationships. Hence, we must nurture and take care of it, because apart from it, there can be no life at all.

Here’s a repost from Mark Conner‘s blog that helped me rethink and assess my relationship with others.

Lessons on Relationship (Part 1)

In order for us to connect or relate effectively with other people, we need to learn some important skills. These skills can help us as we connect with other people with our families at home, with co-workers in the workplace, and in small groups and serving teams at church.

1. The Art of Acceptance

Jesus had an amazing ability to accept people – all people, just as they were, ‘as is.’ He treated every person as if they were very important – even those despised by others in his culture, such as beggars, women, and children. He placed a #10 on everyone.

Don’t be like the Pharisees who only accepted people who were like them. Everyone else they kept at a distance. Their attitude was ‘change and then you can come and hang with us’ while Jesus’ approach to all people was ‘come as you are and let my grace change you.’

The apostle Paul tells us to accept one another in the same way that Christ accepts us (Rom.15:7). How did Christ accept us? He loved us and died for us while we were still his enemies and living in a life of sin. He didn’t wait for us to get our act together before he reached out to us. We are to do the same for others.

The second great commandment is to ‘love our neighbour as ourselves.’ We all want to be accepted. Let’s do the same for others. Learn how to accept people as they are. Everyone wants to feel worthwhile. People want to feel important.

Of course, acceptance does not mean approval of someone’s behaviour. Acceptance is not the same as tolerance. Jesus was a ‘friend of sinners’ without condoning their sin. It is an act of the heart that shows a person’s value and worth.

How do you approach people – with a smile or a frown, with a sense of acceptance or rejection? Be on guard so that you don’t become a stone-thrower with judgmental thoughts, a superior attitude, impatient words, bitter resentments, and little room for love. Let go of condemnation and judgment. Genuinely accept others … just as they are.

2. The Art of Listening

Jesus was a person who had so much to say, yet he was a great listener. He was always asking questions. In doing so, he drew people out and got to know them and helped them get to know themselves.

Relationships are built on communication and communication is built on good listening skills. Listening is one of the greatest ways to communicate love and value to another person. It helps you understand people and it earns you the right to be heard.

James tells us to be quick to listen and slow to speak, which is the opposite of our human nature (James 1:19-20).

Unfortunately, we all develop poor listening habits such as inattentiveness (through being preoccupied, lack of concentration, or distractions), interrupting (finishing people’s sentences for them, just waiting your turn to speak, jumping to conclusions), and advice giving.

Good listening habits include: being attentive (making eye contact, concentration, giving verbal cues), seeking to understand, and asking questions.

Love pays attention. Love means being fully present with a person, concentrating not just on their words, but the meaning and feelings behind the words.

Pay attention … it is the most valuable currency we have.

3. The Art of Empathy

Jesus had an amazing ability to see a person’s heart and their deepest needs – to understand things from their perspective. He could look beneath the surface of the matter (external) and see a person’s heart (internal). He modeled the art of empathy.

Pay attention to people. Look beyond their words to what is happening on the inside. Slow down and stop talking. Listen. Observe.

Place all of your energy in seeking to truly understand the other person’s thoughts and feelings. Try to understand the words and the implied message. Use your free mental time to observe, concentrate and evaluate the message. When you listen, you learn.

Listen to nonverbal messages. Many messages people send are communicated nonverbally by their tone of voice, their facial expressions, their energy level, their posture, or changes in their behaviour patterns. You can often tell more from the way a person says something than from what is said.

You understand others by getting inside of them and seeing life from their perspective, through their eyes. This involves a tremendous amount of communication – of asking, sharing and listening. Seeing life through someone else’s eyes gives us a totally different perspective. It is so easy to judge and to make wrong assumptions about people. When we truly seek to understand, we learn and we grow.

Here’s a good exercise – select a relationship in which things are not going too well right now. Try to understand the situation from the other person’s point of view. If you were in their shoes how do you think you would be feeling or thinking? In your next interaction, listen for understanding, comparing what you are hearing with your reflections. How valid were your assumptions? Did you really understand that person’s perspective?

Misunderstanding is usually at the heart of most relational pain. It often takes time to rebuild trust and help people feel safe enough to open up again. Practice the art of empathy today.