I personally believe that our purpose in life is found in the context of relationships. Hence, we must nurture and take care of it, because apart from it, there can be no life at all.
Here’s a repost from Mark Conner‘s blog that helped me rethink and assess my relationship with others.
Lessons on Relationship (Part 1)
In order for us to connect or relate effectively with other people, we need to learn some important skills. These skills can help us as we connect with other people with our families at home, with co-workers in the workplace, and in small groups and serving teams at church.
Jesus had an amazing ability to accept people – all people, just as they were, ‘as is.’ He treated every person as if they were very important – even those despised by others in his culture, such as beggars, women, and children. He placed a #10 on everyone.
Don’t be like the Pharisees who only accepted people who were like them. Everyone else they kept at a distance. Their attitude was ‘change and then you can come and hang with us’ while Jesus’ approach to all people was ‘come as you are and let my grace change you.’
The apostle Paul tells us to accept one another in the same way that Christ accepts us (Rom.15:7). How did Christ accept us? He loved us and died for us while we were still his enemies and living in a life of sin. He didn’t wait for us to get our act together before he reached out to us. We are to do the same for others.
The second great commandment is to ‘love our neighbour as ourselves.’ We all want to be accepted. Let’s do the same for others. Learn how to accept people as they are. Everyone wants to feel worthwhile. People want to feel important.
Of course, acceptance does not mean approval of someone’s behaviour. Acceptance is not the same as tolerance. Jesus was a ‘friend of sinners’ without condoning their sin. It is an act of the heart that shows a person’s value and worth.
How do you approach people – with a smile or a frown, with a sense of acceptance or rejection? Be on guard so that you don’t become a stone-thrower with judgmental thoughts, a superior attitude, impatient words, bitter resentments, and little room for love. Let go of condemnation and judgment. Genuinely accept others … just as they are.
Jesus was a person who had so much to say, yet he was a great listener. He was always asking questions. In doing so, he drew people out and got to know them and helped them get to know themselves.
Relationships are built on communication and communication is built on good listening skills. Listening is one of the greatest ways to communicate love and value to another person. It helps you understand people and it earns you the right to be heard.
James tells us to be quick to listen and slow to speak, which is the opposite of our human nature (James 1:19-20).
Unfortunately, we all develop poor listening habits such as inattentiveness (through being preoccupied, lack of concentration, or distractions), interrupting (finishing people’s sentences for them, just waiting your turn to speak, jumping to conclusions), and advice giving.
Good listening habits include: being attentive (making eye contact, concentration, giving verbal cues), seeking to understand, and asking questions.
Love pays attention. Love means being fully present with a person, concentrating not just on their words, but the meaning and feelings behind the words.
Pay attention … it is the most valuable currency we have.
Jesus had an amazing ability to see a person’s heart and their deepest needs – to understand things from their perspective. He could look beneath the surface of the matter (external) and see a person’s heart (internal). He modeled the art of empathy.
Pay attention to people. Look beyond their words to what is happening on the inside. Slow down and stop talking. Listen. Observe.
Place all of your energy in seeking to truly understand the other person’s thoughts and feelings. Try to understand the words and the implied message. Use your free mental time to observe, concentrate and evaluate the message. When you listen, you learn.
Listen to nonverbal messages. Many messages people send are communicated nonverbally by their tone of voice, their facial expressions, their energy level, their posture, or changes in their behaviour patterns. You can often tell more from the way a person says something than from what is said.
You understand others by getting inside of them and seeing life from their perspective, through their eyes. This involves a tremendous amount of communication – of asking, sharing and listening. Seeing life through someone else’s eyes gives us a totally different perspective. It is so easy to judge and to make wrong assumptions about people. When we truly seek to understand, we learn and we grow.
Here’s a good exercise – select a relationship in which things are not going too well right now. Try to understand the situation from the other person’s point of view. If you were in their shoes how do you think you would be feeling or thinking? In your next interaction, listen for understanding, comparing what you are hearing with your reflections. How valid were your assumptions? Did you really understand that person’s perspective?
Misunderstanding is usually at the heart of most relational pain. It often takes time to rebuild trust and help people feel safe enough to open up again. Practice the art of empathy today.
Like this:
Be the first to like this post.
I was recently meeting with a pastor and he shared an idea about parenting from the verse that’s been read at probably every baby dedication or parenting series you’ve ever been to:
